The Sex Diaries Project by Arianne Cohen

Author:Arianne Cohen
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781118180969
Publisher: John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.
Published: 2011-12-03T00:00:00+00:00

Aspirers

Second and third marriages are commonly Aspirer relationships. It is because they have emerged from their first marriages with a clear list of dos and don’ts, which easily translate into the shared goals of the next relationship. “We both came out of abusive relationships, and decided that peace in the home is the most important thing, and peace between us even more important than that,” writes The Self-Employed Family Man, who enjoys conditions that would drive many Lovers off a roof. “A good relationship isn’t built on sex, nor is it held together by sex,” he writes. And indeed, his is not.

The Self-Employed Family Man Who Fantasizes about an Uninterrupted Sleep Cycle

43, Atlanta, Georgia

SATURDAY

7:36 a.m.: Awake. Sleep hasn’t been abundant recently. By “recently” I mean since my son was born in 2006. Since then there has always been a child in our bed. When my son got his own bed (still in our room), my daughter took over his spot between my wife and I. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change anything about my life.

10:23 a.m.: I spend the first part of my day fairly engaged in work, and the second part staving off sleep.

1:56 p.m.: So I have these hotel-room fantasies. Not of the prurient sort. No . . . I fantasize about an entire bed to myself, a dark room completely bereft of night-lights, and sleeping for a full and natural sleep cycle. I do this a couple of times a year. Last time I booked a third floor room facing the ocean. Before I went to sleep, I drew open the sliding door to the patio, so the waves would lull me asleep.

12:19 p.m.: What am I grappling with in terms of my wife? It’s sort of a luxury to actually have the time to grapple. I don’t, really.

7:20 p.m.: I must be the odd man out, because sex and relationships don’t seem to compete for my time as much as everything else: the kids, the house, the dog. And these certainly aren’t worries—they are just what happen to be in my immediate field.

10:13 p.m.: Whole family in the bed. I know you’re hoping for some juicy sexual bits, but two kids under the age of three have made sex a nonoption. That part of our relationship is on hold.

SUNDAY

7:19 a.m.: The first thing I do in the morning is get on email, and it doesn’t let up until dinner.

8:00 a.m.: My first marriage was a clusterfuck of anguish, and it ended far later than it should have, with me delightfully discovering that she was cheating. An easy way out. We both came out of abusive relationships and decided that peace in the home is the most important thing, and peace between us even more important than that. So it is very, very rare that we fight.

8:02 a.m.: As for my current wonderful wife, the circumstances of our meeting (online) were far from romantic. But our first kiss was one of irresistible magnetic attraction, and we had mutual friends.

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